I Don't Wanna Go Somewhere...

In the 2002 song by Avalon, I Don't Want To Go, the chorus begins, I don't wanna go somewhere....*

Well, that's how I've felt about running recently. My wanna go has up and gone. There were some circumstances in the last 10 days that exacerbated that don't wanna, but basically, I just didn't want to run so the circumstances just made it easier to not head out the door. What circumstances, you ask? (OK, you probably weren't asking that....)

• My boss scheduled a 6:15AM team building activity during a meeting last week — that would have meant heading out at 5:25AM and there is no ambient light there. I don't mean there isn't enough, I mean there is NONE, nada ... it's dark, dark, dark. Yeah, I had a clip-on light for my cap but, when I had done this 3 days earlier, I also found out that there are 3-4 dogs (who could count them in that absence of light?) who hang out at a particular corner at that time of darkness and they had barked. Just a bit farther on, there were 3 dogs inside a fence who had a secret escape route and they took great pleasure in escaping their confinement just after I passed and barking like crazy. I like dogs ... but not unknown dogs who bark at and threaten me while I'm running. (See Dog Runs post from October.) I could blame my boss. Or, sure, I could have gone a different way but that ruins a good story and ... basically, I just didn't wanna.
• The next morning, I was at home after the meeting and didn't feel like running. Basically, I didn't wanna.
• The next morning, I woke up way to early and had a headache. Perhaps (read probably) the run would have solved the headache problem, but I just didn't wanna.
• The next morning, we attended the early worship service. Well, and I didn't wanna.
• The next 2 mornings, it was raining — first time in several weeks, so I should have celebrated and run in the ran ... but ... I didn't wanna.
• The next morning (yesterday), it was raining when I woke up, so I fixed a plate of fruit and a big cup of chai. Then it quit raining. Sure, I could have put the chai in a thermos and covered the fruit with plastic wrap and shoved it in the fridge. But, I can hardly resist the call of a big cup of fresh chai. Besides ... I just didn't wanna.

So, last night, I chanted, I wanna go. I wanna go. as I went to sleep. Didn't work ... when I woke up, I still didn't wanna ... but I went anyway. Headed out the gate at 5:56 and took off. Hmmm, OK, took off implies some speed and probably can't be applied to the snail-like pace that I set. The first 2 miles felt good ... probably because my legs were well rested ... could have had something to do with the Chocolate Outrage Gu that I ate before heading out (did you know that Chocolate Outrage has Belgian chocolate in it?). After that, it was just a slog. But, I did it in spite of the don't wanna's. (Even though it was a slow slog, my heartrate hit 171 bpm this morning — maybe my don't wanna actually had a physical basis.)

It was dark in Nairobi this morning at 5:56. I had to really watch out for the bicyclists. Power was out in our neighbourhood (well, except for those of us lucky enough to be on the one phase (out of three) that was working) and even where power was on, it seemed extra dark. The 63° temperature was nice.

For the curious (I know you're all dying to see this), here are the route and details:

• Have you ever had a don't wanna go period in your running? How did you get out of it?

Run well, y'all,
Bob

* Avalon's song, I Don't Want To Go only applies because the first five words of the chorus and the title fit what I felt. The rest of the chorus says:

I don't want to go somewhere
If I know that You're not there
'Cause I know that me without You is a lie
And I don't want to walk that road
Be a million miles from home
'Cause my heart needs to be where You are
So I don't want to go.

It reflects what Moses said to God in the wilderness as recorded in Exodus 33:12-18. In verse 15, Moses says to God, If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. Moses knew that he could not face the future depending only on his human abilities — he needed God's presence, God's wisdom, God's enabling, God's Spirit with him if he were going to succeed in what God had given him to do.

I don't want to run without God's Presence with me, but much more importantly, I don't want to face the tasks of each day without His Presence with me.